Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
