Pants 0. Shit 1.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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