I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
