so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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