I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
