I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
