Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
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