tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
