Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
