I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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