Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
