So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
