Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
