would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
