im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
