my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
