The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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