I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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