tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
