Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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