Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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