he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
