And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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