You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
