he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
