y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
