It's Friday. Sex?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
