Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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