Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
