Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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