420 ftw
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
