I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
