Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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