My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
