I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
