pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
my god I love twenty year old dicks
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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