If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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