I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
