She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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