i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
