doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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