Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
