He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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