maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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