I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
