no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
