Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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