I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
