when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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