The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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