it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
