you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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