My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
