You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
