He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
